Florida Is Where One Goes to Die

Florida is where one goes to die,
Not to reset, and start again
Death waits in orange groves, to strike
But, one knows not, where or when

Biding their time, a thousand things,
Patiently hoping to kill you dead
Gators, lurking in the murky swamp
To eat you whole, from toe to head

Hell, they have genuine crocodiles
They immigrated; who knows how
They came for the delicious buffet that is you
To eat as much as time will allow

The brutal sun will bleach your bones
And, what’s more, no one will care
Florida is not the nicest of places,
The grim reaper spends each winter there

If the gators and crocs somehow miss you,
In the woods are a great many other beasts
Watching, stalking, ready to pounce
Eager for tasty human feasts

The black bear is one of them
Yes, they’re common in many states
But panthers… now, that’s a singular way
For Americans to meet untimely fates

Florida is where you go to die
All manner of ghoulish demise awaits
Everything there wants to end you;
It’s the Australia of the United States

And, tiny things, like the brown recluse
The black widow, far more ubiquitous
And, if you should sit still too long,
The fire ants are most ravenous

Wild boar will pierce, cut you to ribbons
Their tusks loaded with bacterial goo
If you don’t bleed out, then soon enough
Disease will be the thing that gets you

Watch where you step, careless human
The copperhead, and eastern diamondback
Poison’s a thing these efficient vipers
Most assuredly do not lack

A curious name for something so deadly,
The “kissing bug” spreads a foul parasite
It’s perfectly willing and able to kill you
And, it knows how to do it right

Just off the coast, in the ocean surf
Bull sharks, and deadly box jellyfish
Barracudas take quite sizable chunks
And, they’ll do it whenever they wish

And, let’s not forget the biggest of all
The one whose movie freaked us all out
The one and only great white shark
He’s there, too, swimming about

Florida is where you go to die,
Not where you try to start again
Murder is plentiful, comes in all sizes
And, you’ll never know where, or when

It’s not just the critters that want you dead
The people are willing to rub you out
There are drug cartels, and serial killers
And, Florida Man is skulking about

Of all the baleful, lethal creatures,
Florida Man is among the top three
He’s responsible for the lion’s share
Of death headlines in the news you see

If the citizens or critters don’t do the job,
Of putting an end to you, just for a thrill,
If torturous heat doesn’t manage to kill you,
I imagine that the governor will

Not a place to slip away peacefully,
It will not let you, though you may try
Not exactly a storybook ending,
Florida is where one one goes to die


©2023 Kevin Trent Boswell

The Patreon Page

Author: Kevin Trent “Magus” Boswell

I coined the term Conjure Coaching to capture what I do, which is to utilize my tool box of skills to help people get what they need, be that tarot, astrology, Strategic Intervention life coaching, NLP, trance, spell work or the kitchen sink.

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